Acceptance


I was expected to die, the doctors asked my 85 year old mother if she’d be willing to donate my organs (she was).  When I 'came around' after my natural / induced comas, I asked my life partner (Ruth) if she had come from Los Angeles and I had come from the moon.  Note: It was a further week after my comatose period ended before I could speak, I still couldn't breathe without assistance.


A neuro-psychologist advised me that about 40% of victims survive the severity of my RTC.  The strangest aspect of my outcome, however, is the outrageous level of recovery I’ve made.  I was advised that out of the 'survivor group', it's unlikely that 10% (it may be as low as 1%) make anything like the level of positive recovery I have.  In a nutshell, this makes me feel very... lucky.  If there's one seemingly common component of trauma survivors that I have observed, it is that people want to hear of others who have similarly undergone trauma.  Trauma survivors often compare themselves to others (I do it myself) and think along the lines of "it could have been worse, I could have suffered with X or Y or Z".  I believe the psychology isn't related to 'triumphalism' - it's that we all have fears of what could be the worst outcome, and are grateful that we have not had to face them.  These comparisons aren't always logical - the thought of having massively reduced mental capacity would always have been a fear of mine, but then it happened to me, and I now feel there could have been worse outcomes.


Ruth has always lived by a maxim she calls PMA - Positive Mental Attitude - it's a fantastic approach to life and goes way beyond trauma.  PMA applies to almost anything: moaning about the rain, or being stuck in a traffic jam - is getting a little wet so bad, or being delayed by thirty minutes such a tragedy!


Monday 18th December 2017: I think I have developed the flu - my eyes are streaming, my throat is very sore, I feel lousy.  In short - ace news!  After going nearly three years seemingly without a headache or a cold it feels great to have 'normal' symptoms


I haven’t, and doubt I ever will make a 'full recovery'.  Beyond my deficiencies (see link) already mentioned, my short-term memory has been measured as below the 2nd percentile.  I’m someone who has a first class honours degree and did a challenging six hour computer security (CISSP) exam (see link) at a breeze in less than three hours - to be assessed as having 'learning disabilities' was hard to read, but entirely accurate.


So, has the RTC affected my life?  Yes, there are things I can no longer do.  However, I now have hugely increased patience, vastly deeper understanding of dealing with 'challenges', and superior organisational skills developed as coping strategies.  I'll accept the trade of old skills and abilities (see
link) for the new opportunities and genuine appreciation of life which I feel every single day.  In short, I feel the plusses outweigh the minuses.