Acceptance

Background

During my rehabilitation period in Haywood Hospital between 25th September 2015 and my discharge on 4th November 2015, I accepted the probability of my returning to anything like I used to be was most unlikely.  I had the mindset that I was grateful I still had my daughter Olivia and my life partner Ruth with me - everything else was secondary to that.  I never thought I could attain professional employment again, drive a car, go on holiday or take part in any of the multitude of normal undertakings in life.


I have since learned that setting achieveable goals is a positive approach to recovery, but in all honesty I didn't set any.  I consciously didn't consider my recovery as being returning to how I used to be.  I was merely satisfied with the inch-by-inch progress beyond my initial severely limited physical and mental state.  I accepted that my life would never be the same and at no point did I feel upset or become depressed about this.  Perhaps it was my very limited expectations which helped me never get miserable, nevermind depressed.


Ruth has always lived by a maxim she calls PMA - Positive Mental Attitude, it's a fantastic approach to life and goes way beyond trauma.  PMA applies to almost anything: not moaning about the rain or being stuck in a traffic jam.  Is getting a little wet so bad, or being delayed by thirty minutes such a tragedy?


Good Fortune
A neuro-psychologist advised me that about 40% of victims survive the severity of my TBI.  The strangest aspect of my outcome, however, is the outrageous level of recovery I’ve made.  I was advised that out of the survivor group, fewer than 1% make anything like the level of positive recovery I have.  In a nutshell, this makes me feel very... lucky!  It was expected I would die, the doctors asked my 85 year old mother if she’d consent to donating my organs (she did).  It was a week after my 4 week comatose period ended before I could speak, as I had locked-in syndrome symptoms and I still couldn't breathe without assistance.  A week further on I asked Ruth if she had come from Los Angeles and I had come from the moon (neither were true).


If there's one seemingly common characteristic of trauma survivors that I have observed, it is that they want to hear of others who have similarly undergone trauma.  Trauma survivors often compare themselves to others (I do it myself) and think along the lines of "it could have been worse, I could have suffered with X or Y or Z".  I believe the psychology isn't related to triumphalism, it's that we all have fears of what could be the worst outcome and are grateful that we have not had to face them.  This mindset isn't entirely logical though, as the thought of having massively reduced mental capacity would always have been a dread of mine, but then it happened to me, and I felt there could have been worse outcomes.


Thoughts on my TBI and Recovery

I doubt I ever will make a full recovery.  Beyond my deficiencies (see link) already mentioned, my short-term memory has been measured as below the 5th percentile.  To be assessed as having "learning disabilities" was hard to read, but entirely accurate.


Has the TBI affected my life?  Yes, there are things I can no longer do.  However, I now have increased patience, superior organisational skills developed as coping strategies and hopefully a more thoughtful / empathetic personality.  I'll accept the trade of old skills and abilities (see
link) for the new opportunities and genuine appreciation of life which I feel every single day.  In short, I feel the positives outweigh the negatives.